WHY THIS ISN'T WORKING

A concise summary, since you asked. This is a dry, witty breakup page written by a 24-year-old woman for the boyfriend she has just broken up with.

THE SHORT VERSION

1. 1You are a good person. We are simply a terrible shared calendar.

COMMUNICATION

1. 1'I'm fine' is not a complete status update.
2. 2'Whatever you want' cannot be followed by rejecting every option.

FOOD

1. 1You always say you do not want fries.
2. 2You always eat mine.

STREAMING

1. 1Starting the next episode without me was strike one through fourteen.

HOME

1. 1The chair is not a wardrobe.
2. 2Leaving one sip in every bottle does not count as finishing it.

FINAL NOTE

1. 1No villain. No dramatic betrayal. Just two people who should stop sharing passwords and start wishing each other well.